Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize