Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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