So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
