Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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