1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
