I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
