quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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