it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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