if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
