well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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