she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
