why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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