He is such a slut. More and more my type.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
