Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
