Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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