I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
