you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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