When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
