M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
