I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
