And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
