is your mom at the bar?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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