her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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