Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
