finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
