My room smells like vodka and shame
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
