Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
