Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
