JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
