i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
