last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
