She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
