so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
