Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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