my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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