I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
