I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
