wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
