i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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