I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
