i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
