Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
