even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
