im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
