Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
