So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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