If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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