just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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