Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.