And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...