He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.