Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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