i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want her autograph on my taint
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
