Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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