Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
