____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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