Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The air taste purple.
Randomize
