we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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