soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
