can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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