Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
