I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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