I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
