bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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