yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
farters have to be the big spoon...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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