But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
