The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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