Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
