We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
